My Heart
by sonicarutha
Summary: I used to hate you. I used to wish that this would happen to you: that one day you would fall into the darkness and I would never have to see you again. I used to think you were the most disgusting thing that ever lived. Yet now…
1. My Comrade

**Title: **My Heart  
**Pairings:** This chapter contains slight Kyouraku/Ukitake  
**Rating:** T  
**Warnings:** There is slight OOC, a lot of blood, violence, talk of death, and talk of war. There are also a few errors in here that I most likely didn't catch. This also probably the shortest thing I've ever written but any longer and it would have been dragging. **SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 364! **  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own **Bleach**, Tite Kubo does.

* * *

The sound of flesh and bone breaking filled the air, the first sight of blood now coming into view. Breathing started to become difficult as that hand went deeper through his chest, the blood rolling from the gaping whole that was once his heart. Ukitake Juushirou, the captain of the 13th Division now stood with a blank stare, the hand of an arrancar impaling him deeply.

Ukitake's dark eyes were once filled with joy, hope, passion, and in these seconds, these small moments everything started to fade away. All of the emotion, all of the memories, all of the life started to fade away as his glance became blank, the mask of death taking his face over. His body started to become limp as his breathing became harder and harder to control. Yet in this moment Kyouraku Shunsui didn't think he could do anything.

At that moment all Kyouraku could do was stare, looking desperately at the mess that had been created right before his eyes. His body froze as blood continued to rain, the beast pulling his hand back with a childlike grin. That grin sent a wave of anger throughout his body, an anger that he never thought that he would ever feel in his life. Yet as he looked at Ukitake's body falling backward, down to the city below, he felt all of the rage bubble within his body, moving closer to the arrancar. In that moment he was going to destroy everything. His vision then filled with crimson.

His body felt heavy as he started to fall, his eyes starting to lose the light that life had granted him exchanging it for the darkness of death. As his vision clouded, he looked over at Ukitake's falling body, blood creating a wake behind it. He could see everything coming back to him at that moment, all of the memories.

_None of it matters anymore does it, Ukitake? Nothing that we've seen or been through matters anymore, _he struggled with a smile as he fell faster toward the ground. _What are you thinking about right now? What are you seeing? Are you seeing what I'm seeing? Because if you are, it's amazing. So many memories… and all I'm seeing is you._

As he fell farther away from Ukitake as it became darker, death taking the 8th Division captain over as he fell faster, the pressure pushing against his body. _I used to hate you. I used to wish that this would happen to you: that one day you would fall into the darkness and I would never have to see you again. I used to think you were the most disgusting thing that ever lived. Yet now…_

His body fell to the ground, his nerves sending electricity to his body, shaking violently. His eyes looked over to see where Ukitake fell quite a distance away. His eyes watered as he tried to move, unable to, his breathing starting to catch in his throat.

"U-Ukitake…" Kyouraku breathed as he tried to move his body, unable to.

_After all of this time, you wanted to be the one to die first; you said that death didn't suit me. I hated you for saying that because it seemed like you were being taken away from me, _he stilled tried to move. _Death doesn't suit you, Ukitake, it never did. Even when we were young, so young and full of ourselves that we never wanted to cross paths. We were two islands, always at war, but then we merged and became what we were today. And now we're leaving each other all over again._

He could hear Ukitake coughing, a tear forming in his eye as he knew that his friend was in critical condition, he wasn't going to last much longer. He wanted to scream, but he wasn't sure if help was going to hear him, Kira had enough on his hands with Matsumoto, Iba, Hinamori, and Hisagi, he shouldn't be bothered with the two senior captains.

_We're just two old farts, Ukitake, two old farts that have finally fallen. Is this how you wanted it to end? I didn't want it to end this way. I always hoped that if he died together, we would die hand in hand, so I can see the life leave your body. I can't even see you…_

"Kyouraku…" he heard Ukitake's voice say. "Kyouraku…" the voice kept getting younger and younger until it was the voice that he had heard when he had first met Ukitake Juushirou. "Kyouraku…"

"Ukitake…" he looked up to see the young boy that he had hated, a smile upon his youthful face as bright brown eyes looked down at him. "Ukitake…"

He then faded away as Kyouraku's eyes started to close. _I hated that boy, more than I hated anything, and now… now I wish that he was next to me at the end of it. I want to hate you, Ukitake, I want to hate you for not being here next to me now when I need you. I need you to tell me that everything's going to be alright, that this is all part of a greater scheme. _He drifted into the darkness. "Ukitake…"

* * *

This was the first chapter of the story _My Heart_. I knew that I wasn't going to post any new stories, but this idea was starting to interfere with my story _Dead and Gone_ so I had to write it. And since it was already written, I thought why not post it.

I initially got this idea way back, but then when I read _Chapter 364_ I knew that there was a way that I could merge those two ideas. And I had to write a story about these two because Kyouraku and Ukitake are my two favorite captains (I'm going to try my hardest to have no romance in this story.)

Well this is the first chapter to many, it's going to go deeper into the past and how Kyouraku "used to hate Ukitake" That's what the next chapter is on.

Like what you read? Feel free to PM me a request. See profile for details.

And don't forget to review. I love to here feedback on my work.


	2. My Escape

**Pairings:** This chapter contains no obvious pairings  
**Rating:** T  
**Warnings:**There is slight OOC and slight violence. There are also a few errors in here that I most likely didn't catch. This is so long overdue that there may be errors that I forgot existed.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own **Bleach**, Tite Kubo does.

* * *

As night fell, he slid out of the window, knowing that his parents wouldn't notice that he was gone. They had too much on their hands as is with his brother coming home from a long absence. For once Kyouraku Shunsui didn't want to play second fiddle, something that he had been doing all of his life. He knew that it was his punishment of being the second son. He was overshadowed, invisible whenever his brother had returned to the family.

He was suffocated, dying under his own brother's fingers as his parents only paid attention to him. Shunsui felt like he was slowly disappearing as his parents fazed him out. They wouldn't even know he was gone. That was the breaking point, that was the moment where he knew that if he disappeared he would no longer have to answer to anyone again. He never expected what was going to happen later on this glorious day.

Today was the day when two worlds were going to collide. He was going to turn his world upside down as he walked into the distance, meeting a boy that was forever going to change his life. He walked as far as he could away from the world that was caving in on him. That was the day when he ran into him.

The moment that he bumped into him was a moment that he wished he could take back, yet was a moment that he was going to treasure forever. "Hey, aren't you going to apologize?"

Kyouraku looked over his shoulder at the boy and scoffed. "For what? Bumping into someone who was in my path?"

"You could have avoided me."

Kyouraku looked at the boy, he was sweet looking. Those were the only words he could come up with as he looked at him. His dark brown eyes were only seeking a quick apology, nothing more. Why couldn't he give it to him? Why couldn't he just tell this boy that he was sorry? Why was he so different? The boy that he ran directly into wasn't unlike any other boy of lower station. There seemed to be nothing remarkable about him at the time, but as Kyouraku looked deeper into those eyes that were forever to be burned in his memory, he knew that he was forever going to miss those eyes.

"Are you going to make me apologize?" Kyouraku asked.

The boy shook his head. "I don't want to start anything."

"Don't want to start anything? Then you should have let me go on my merry way? You've just got something to say about everything don't you?" He turned around to walk away, feeling the boy's hand on his shoulder.

"You don't know me," his voice was quiet. "So stop acting like you do."

Kyouraku's eyes fell onto his shoulder. "Let go of me."

The boy smiled a soft innocent smile. "Are you going to make me let go?"

Out of all of the things that Kyouraku Shunsui didn't like, it was being mocked. He looked into the eyes of the boy that was holding onto his shoulder, looking at that smile. He wanted to smack the smugness right out of his face. He curled his hand up into a fist and hurled it as hard as he could into the boy's face, right into his mouth. He could feel the blood in his fingers as the boy fell to the ground.

"I think that I am," Kyouraku smirked as he watched his opponent wipe the blood from his lips. "What are you going to do about it?"

He never expected what happened next. The boy seemed to have flown through the air to fall on top of him, his hand moving to hit him across the face. The stinging sensation soared through Kyouraku's body, burying the pain in adrenaline as he moved to hit the boy again. Every hit was countered with another as they never backed down. A serendipitous encounter between two young boys was forged in violence.

That was when they heard the footsteps.

0o0o0o0o0o0

The boy was sitting across from him, looking at his feet as if he had somewhere more important to be. His hand ran through his short white hair as he took a deep breath. He was avoiding Kyouraku. The scratches and bruises on his face were obvious as Kyouraku looked at him dead on.

"I hit you good didn't I?" Kyouraku laughed.

The boy sighed. "I guess you did."

Kyouraku could tell by his mannerisms that there was something bothering the boy. "Got somewhere to be?"

"You don't?" the boy didn't have any signs of hatred in his voice despite the bruises and cuts that were upon his pale skin. "I thought that someone like you would have everywhere to be."

"I need to get away from my family," he couldn't believe he was being this honest to someone that he had just met. "I guess that's why I'm so upset. My brother's back, and I just… I guess that I get sick of everyone doting on him and forgetting about me."

"Perfect reason to hit someone…" the boy looked into the distance. "Is this going to be much longer?"

"Who the hell do you think you are?" Kyouraku chuckled as if trying to kill some of the tension that he had created. "A Shiba?"

The boy shook his head and giggled nervously, running a hand through his white hair. "No, I'm no Shiba, that's for sure."

"Then where do you have to be that so important?"

Kyouraku froze as he heard a word that he had grown to hate. "Home."

"Home?" he couldn't believe that someone would actually want to go back to their home, after all, he didn't even really understand the word "What the hell is at home for you?"

"A family that I have to take care of," the boy looked into Kyouraku's eyes, but neither of them lowered their defenses, but neither of them were in attack mode any longer. "Unlike _you_, some of us have responsibilities. We're not all brats who have nothing better to do then punch random people in the streets and cause so much of a ruckus that the Gotei 13 has to intervene so that they don't have to go back to negligent parents. I hope you're happy."

"Oh I'm _so_ happy; I get to spend time with you. You know that's what I want to do," he knew that at that moment this was what he wanted to do. It was better than going back home to his parents.

The boy wasted no time in coming up with a comeback. "Oh and you know me _so_ well. You just met me and you act like you hate me…"

"You hit me, _dumbass_!" Kyouraku watched as the boy smiled even brighter. "And I supposed to be having a tea party with you right now?"

"_You_ hit _me_!" the sound of his voice soothed Kyouraku. "And who cares who hit who? Whoever started it, it doesn't matter. We both were involved in the violence. We're both to blame."

Kyouraku had never heard of someone who thought that way before. His whole life he was always trying to put blame on other people. Nothing was his fault. If he didn't start the conflict, he didn't have to resolve it. He just had to be there to protect himself if it attacked him. As he looked at the boy who had beaten him to the ground, he saw something that he never thought he would see. He saw someone with sense. But he knew that he was never going to compliment him like that.

"What's your name?" Kyouraku asked.

The boy smiled as he looked at his opponent. "Ukitake Juushirou."

"Juushirou. That's a cool name," Kyouraku smiled.

Ukitake shook his head. "You're so strange. A few hours ago you were strangling me. Now you're sitting there like nothing happened."

"I never said that I didn't still want to strangle to, _Ukitake Juushirou_. I just think some conversation might do us some good."

"You just don't want to get in trouble with your parents."

"And you do?"

"My parents are dead." Ukitake answered frankly. "So there's no way I'm going to get in as much trouble as you are."

"I'm sorry to hear that. But if it's any consolation, I would trade you. There are times where I wish my parents were dead," Kyouraku grinned as he leaned back in the chair.

"You're even stranger than I first thought."

Kyouraku sighed. "Well, aren't you going to ask my name?"

"I didn't think you would give it to me even if I did," Ukitake answered crossing his arms. "After all, you don't seem to like me."

Kyouraku sighed. "Hey, it was just a fight, it doesn't mean I hate you, alright. I mean if the punishment is what I think it is, we're going to be seeing a lot more of each other. So why not be cordial and then when it's all over we can go our separate ways. Agreed?"

Ukitake nodded. "Agreed."

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This is LONG overdue and after over a year of touching this, I highly doubt anyone is still reading this, but I thought that it needed an update and I had some free time. I hope to continue updating this and any of my other stories.

Please PM me if I have been neglecting story you love!

And don't forget to review. I love to here feedback on my work and I'd like to see if anyone is still reading this.


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